Trauma
by SinsofMidnight
Summary: When an unexpected trauma emotionally cripples Reno, he refuses to let anyone but Tseng touch him. Tseng is terrified of this side of the man who always took so much joy in life, and Tseng is willing to do whatever it takes to fix Reno. IDEOLOGICALLY SENSITIVE. Rated M for adult themes aside from sex. Written in response to my poll.
1. Chapter 1

_This is the fan-fiction I started in response to my poll results. I do warn, this will be ideologically sensitive and graphic. Ahead be monsters, so be aware!_

* * *

**Trauma**

**_Fandom:_**_ Final Fantasy VII_

**_Teaser:_**_ "He looked at me again before moving toward me. 'Y-you d-don't c-care if I'm d-dirty?' he asked, his voice so small and soft and scared.  
Inside, my heart ached. I reached for him again. 'No, I don't. Come here, Reno. You're scaring me.' "_

**_Inspiration:_**_ My poll results from my profile, which was "Rape or Almost Rape". Plus, I started the story on Halloween. And Reno, unfortunately, is the usual victim of bad things in my fan-fiction… I apologize to Reno ahead of time…._

**_Rating: _**_M_

**_Warnings:  
_**_-Violence  
-Manipulation  
-Obsession  
-Betrayal  
-Swearing  
-Pain  
-Rape  
-Implied possibility of torture_

**_Main Pairing: _**_Tseng/Reno_

**_Minor Pairings:_**_  
-(rape)OC/Reno_

**_Setting: _**_Cannon enough setting, I suppose. Alternate timeline, at the very least._

**_POV:_**_ Reno for the trauma; Tseng with the aftermath. First person perspective from both._

**_Summary:_**_ When an unexpected trauma emotionally cripples Reno, he refuses to let anyone but Tseng touch him. Tseng is terrified of this side of the man who always took so much joy in life, and Tseng is willing to do whatever it takes to _fix_ Reno._

**_Additional ANs:_**_ I usually don't write things this dark. Unfortunately, if I ever reach a happy place with this tale, it's going to take some time. I mean, I begin by traumatizing one of the main characters: if that ain't a sign of where this is headed, nothing is…  
All of that said, I _want _to give this a happy ending… which means this story is probably going to get long on me ._

**_Important Notes:_**_ The reason I've chosen to write this piece the way I have is mostly for awareness. One article I read from the New York Times stated,_

_"While most experts agree women are raped far more often than men, 1.4 percent of men in a recent national survey said they had been raped at some point. The study, by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, found that when rape was defined as oral or anal penetration, one in 71 men said they had been raped or had been the target of attempted rape, usually by a man they knew. (The study did not include men in prison.)  
And one in 21 said they had been forced to penetrate an acquaintance or a partner, usually a woman; had been the victim of an attempt to force penetration; or had been made to receive oral sex.  
Other estimates have run even higher. A Department of Justice report found that 3 percent of men, or one in 33, had been raped. Some experts believe that one in six men have experienced unwanted sexual contact of some kind as minors."_

_We act like it doesn't happen to men or something because somehow they're immune or something. One expert points out that we have a cultural blind spot: we acknowledged that male children can be abused sexually, but when they cross over into adulthood, we have trouble carrying over the perspective. Not only that, but there are some people out there who believe that a man cannot be the victim of a woman when it comes to rape._

_I, as a woman, think that if we want to acknowledge that a woman can survive and thrive in a male-dominated workplace, if we want to acknowledge that a woman can be dominant in the bedroom, we also have to acknowledge that women are capable of acts just as heinous as any man –sometimes even more heinous than what a man would do! Evil is not gender specific, and neither is rape._

_All of those points made, I did extensive research to attempt to make this story more realistic. I'm still trying to rediscover my happy place . This is to make sure you're all aware that this will be graphic and tragic. I don't want anyone going into this unaware of those facts._

**_Dedication:_**_ I know I rarely take the time to make an actual dedication…  
This story is for all of the rape survivors out there. You are strong, beautiful, precious, and important. You are not alone or forgotten. Here's to hoping that each of you may find or have found the strength to pick up the pieces and join the human race once more, because you are a precious part of it._

* * *

_Reno:_

My life changed in the blink of an eye at 3:30am Halloween morning. Well, more accurately, my life stopped dead in its tracks that morning.

My eyes flew open. I was suddenly wide awake in my bed as I gradually came to realize that I was not alone in my apartment. I restlessly searched the darkness for any clue as to who it was, but they kept expertly to the shadows for the time being.

Something felt off. My eyes chased the silhouette of my late night visitor, desperate to figure out who was in my apartment. I couldn't glimpse their face at all.

Suddenly, I could see a face in the bright moonlight. Stunned, I went slack.

_It's all okay,_ I told myself. _It's only her._ Yet I had no luck convincing myself of that. I couldn't shake the ominous feeling, especially as her eyes traced my body and I couldn't read her gaze.

"You look so lovely like this," she cooed to me. "I always knew you would, Reno. So pretty with your scarlet hair splayed beneath you."

As she approached my bed, I tried to move away. Something was definitely wrong. She would never say that to me. She knew I had no interest in women.

"Now, now, love," she cooed out once more. "Stay still," she instructed, stroking my hair.

Too stunned to move, I did as she instructed.

How could this be _her_? She'd never shown any interest in me this way, because Gaia knew I would have discouraged it.

Her hand crept lower, then fisted in the blankets that covered me and lowered them slowly, teasingly. "Every inch of you is perfect," she crooned out, her hand ghosting over my skin.

Holy _hell_. How was I to get out of this mess? A man like me crying attempted rape would be utterly laughable. No one would believe me, not even the man I trusted to believe me no matter what. I couldn't shove her away or hurt her: equally, she could press the same charge, and no one would trust me over her.

Her hand wrapped around my bare cock and I hissed. Her hands were rough and weapon-calloused and I hated the way they felt on me.

"This part of you… _beyond_ perfection," she whispered as she used her hand to coax me to arousal. "So beautiful."

I tried to fight by body's reaction to her hand: after all, it was a woman's hand and women had never stirred any interest in me. Yet all of my protests and reasons to suppress to _not _respond to the situation ultimately did little good: my body's betrayal was inevitable and I found myself hard in her hand. Nothing in my life had ever shamed me more than that, and in that moment, I couldn't come up with anything that would shame me more in this life time.

Without further ado, she artlessly climbed on top of me, straddling me and guiding my hardened member into her wet heat.

Here my mind and I protested in unison. "No!" I protested, trying to move away.

She slapped me across the face with more force than I ever thought her capable of. Yet she calmed instantly after her outburst. "Now, love. You'll love it," she cooed out.

It was as if it all suddenly processed in from the outer-reaches of my mind and my senses.

I was being raped.

By a woman.

Not just any woman: _her_. I'd called her friend, trusted her, even given her the key to my apartment at one point.

And she was raping me.

The realization sent me into a panic. I did my best to yank her off do me, roll her off of me, buck and toss her off of me… anyway I could imagine getting her off of me or that I thought for even the briefest instant might dislodge her. Yet she hung on for dear life, taking it all in stride like it was part of the act for her.

I was almost physically ill when I felt her inner wall clench tightly around me, her body working hard to illicit a response from mine. I wanted to weep when she wrapped her hand around my cock, the tip still inside her, and worked the aroused flesh until my orgasm was inevitable. Yet I still clung to some sort of odd hope that someone might save me. So when I came, the word on my lips was not her name, as she might have wished. It was the name of the one man I still hoped would save me, the one man I knew I could trust no matter what.

"Tseng!" I cried out, my soul screaming out for him to _save me_.

All that little unconscious defiance earned me was another harsh slap across the face. Once more, a preternatural calm followed her violent outburst.

"Thank you, lover. That was wonderful. Everything I'd dreamed and more," she told me.

She was lucky I didn't get ill then and there.

Then she leaned forward and kissed my lips, like we were some sort of lovers, before climbing off of me as though nothing had happened. As if she hadn't just used my own body against me. As though she hadn't just raped me.

I felt totally conquered, like all of my power had been taken from me in a single instant. Laying back in my bed just like that, I heard her leave my apartment. Hesitantly, I sat up.

I could still feel her on me. It was _disgusting_. I had to wash it off of me.

I stumbled out of my bed and into the bathroom. My stomach turned and I vomited all over the floor, but I didn't care. Instead of dealing with it, I stepped over it and into the shower. After turning the water on as hot as I could get it, I collapsed on the shower floor.

_Why couldn't I move?_

_Why didn't anyone save me?_

* * *

_**I'm not going to ask how anyone liked this portion, because while I believe that I've written it well, I understand that many of you (like myself) are busily trying to re-discover that happy place. This piece will be intense and tough for me to write, but hopefully it will be a worth-while piece... even if I am still trying to find my happy place . **_

_**So, in leiu of my normal comments at the end, tell me what you **_**want****_ to happen, who you want to rescue him/pick up the pieces, or how hard you want to kill the perpetrator... but if you don't want this to be the end, please review.  
If I get no reviews for the first two chapters (I will publish the next one immediately after this one), I will take this piece down and let it die._**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Honestly, I couldn't post the first part alone. I was worried about the sheer quantity of trauma involved for my reader... So for those of you worried about Reno already, know he's got someone **_**else****_ worried about him, too..._**

* * *

_Tseng:_

"Boss, Reno's still not in," Elena called as I came into the office space.

I frowned. Reno didn't play tardy past noon. It was 1:00 pm. "Did anyone check his apartment? The lush probably got trashed last night." Despite my stated supposition, there was no bite to my words.

Rude shook his head. Elena looked a little worried.

Something twisted tightly in my gut. It was a painful response from my instincts to tell me that something was wrong, but it had never been this bad before. Something was _seriously_ wrong.

"Never mind that. I'll go check on him," I informed her, changing my mind suddenly. My instincts were rarely wrong, and they were practically _screaming_ at me.

"Can I come with?" Elena chirped.

"No. Work on your paperwork."

I walked out of the office and onto the elevator like nothing was wrong. Once alone in the elevator, I checked my phone. There were no missed calls from him, no annoying little texts, no flirty voice-mails.

Something was _really_ wrong.

I dialed the number for his PHS. It rang and rang, but he never picked up. I hung up when I reached voice-mail.

_This is bad._

I called his land-line. Likewise, it rang until it hit his machine. "Reno? Hey, Red, where are you? It's past noon: time for lazy red-heads to pick up their phones and come to work, don't you think?" I tried to maintain my normal biting sarcasm, but I was on the verge of panicking.

Despite his outward appearance and general nature toward anything related to actual _work_, Reno took his job seriously. Yesterday, I had told him I needed him in at ten this morning. While he had grumbled and complained at the time, it was quite unlike him to sleep in when I asked for him in at a specific time.

When the elevator stopped at the parking garage, I hurried to my car, dialing his PHS as I went. Something was very, very wrong.

_What trouble has that red-head gotten himself into?_

On the drive over, I imagined every horrible thing my mind could dream up. Someone killed him in the night. He was kidnapped and they were torturing him. Cloud made good on his threat of impaling Reno on his sword. His date from last night had killed him. He died in the middle of autoerotic asphyxia. He suddenly had a heart attack. Someone shot him up with more mako than his tolerance would allow and he was writhing in agony as he died slowly.

Nothing could have prepared me for the sheer terror that gripped me upon finding that door jimmied open and the lock broken beyond repair.

"Reno?" I called out, opening the door and stepping inside. Cautiously, I strode through his surprisingly neat apartment until I reached the bedroom.

The black silk sheets were pulled off the bed in places. The bedding was in utter disarray. Somehow, it was different from the normal Reno-induced chaos that I was used to at the office.

Something acrid hit my nostrils. _Maybe he's just sick,_ I told myself, but I honestly couldn't even convince myself of that line for even an instant.

I could hear the sounds of water running and splashing, so I slipped into the bathroom. On the floor, there was a puddle of vomit that looked like it had been there for a while. Wincing, I stepped over it and looked into the shower.

Reno was curled up on the floor in a ball, looking absolutely pitiful. His body shivered, but I could see that he'd burnt his skin with water that had been too hot. The only way I could tell that he was alive was that incessant shivering that made me feel chilled deep in my soul.

"Reno?" I asked softly. Something was obviously worse than even _I_ had imagined, and I had the distinct honor of being told that my paranoia should be bottled and sold to government officials.

He lifted his head, his eyes fluttering open slowly. "Tseng?" he asked weakly.

I didn't like what I saw in his eyes. The normally confident gaze was terrorized. The vibrant eyes faded to glassy orbs in a pale face. Gaia, what had _happened_ to him?

I climbed into the shower stall with him. "Yeah, it's me, Red," I told him softly, reaching out for him.

He jerked away. "N-no. D-don't t-touch m-me," he stuttered. "I'm d-dirty…"

"Reno? What are you talking about?" I almost couldn't believe this was my subordinate. He looked like him, but the way he moved and spoke was very unlike the over-confident red-head that liked to give me migraines. Reno had always been so confident, so full of life. What had _happened_ to him? "You're not dirty, Red. Come here," I commanded softly.

"N-no. I'm d-dirty, Ts-Tseng." His gaze was so full of pain and shame as he looked at me.

"I don't care, Reno. Come here, please?" I requested gently, honestly frightened that Reno viewed himself like that. It was in that moment that I first ever thought, _If this is what Reno is now, he might be better off dead._

Not that _I_ would be better off if he were dead.

He looked at me again before moving toward me. "Y-you d-don't c-care if I'm d-dirty?" he asked, his voice so small and soft and scared.

Inside, my heart ached. I reached for him again. "No, I don't. Come here, Reno. You're scaring me."

Carefully, I leaned forward slowly, trying not to startle him. Ice-cold water pelted my back before he finally moved to me and rested his head against my thigh. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him against me tightly, as if my awareness of his well-being was directly proportional to how tightly I held him to me.

His legs parted marginally, and I sucked in a harsh breath. It looked as though he'd tried to scrub every cell of skin off the insides of his thighs and everything that lay between them. The rest of his skin had also been thoroughly scrubbed as well, yet none of it had gotten quite as much attention as the scarlet skin of his inner thighs. Yet something kept me from asking why. I wasn't sure why, but I was certain that if I asked him _here_, in this room of this building, I would watch him shatter even further than this.

"Y-you're s-so w-warm, Ts-Tseng," he breathed out, moving his head to rest against my chest.

"Don't tell anyone, Red. You don't want everyone to know I'm not as much of a cold bastard as they think," I told him wryly.

"A-as y-you p-pretend, y-you m-mean?" His laugh was small and it trembled. It was nothing like the robust, rich sound I'd come to like so much, and it broke my heart even more.

"Ah, there's that humor I so appreciate," I praised him softly, rubbing my hand up and down his bare back. "Do you know what time it is, Red?"

He shook his head.

"It's after 13:00. Come with me. We need to get you dressed and into work." I wasn't so sure it would even be possible with him like this. I really wanted to know what happened to him, but I didn't think he was anywhere near ready to tell me, or anyone _else_ for that matter.

He nodded slowly.

He allowed me to help him get up. The task that fell to me was to lead the soaked man through his bathroom and out, careful to avoid the puddle of vomit in the middle of the bathroom floor. I had to dry him off myself. Slowly, tenderly, I brushed his hair and clothed him like he was a broken, fragile doll that needed to be posed each time in new ways. He wouldn't follow me: I had to take his hand and lead him through the rooms. When we passed by his bed, he shifted further away from the bed and closer to me.

"Please burn the bed for me."

I turned and looked at him. "What, Red?"

"Please burn it. I can't sleep on it anymore." He looked around the apartment. "I can't stay here anymore."

"Well, where will you stay, then?" I asked. I had a feeling that he wouldn't budge on either thing he'd just said. I wasn't about to ask him to until I knew what had done this to him. "Do you have somewhere else you can stay?"

"Can I stay with you? I feel safe with you." His voice went back to that small, terrorized tone.

"Sure. I can't promise I'll be good company, but you can stay with me." _Anything you need if it will fix you._

I couldn't believe that I had thought that until I took a short instant to ponder it. Despite all the times he annoyed the hell out of me, I wanted the old Reno back. I didn't like seeing him turn into this frightened, clinging child. It scared me. I was almost terrified of learning what had happened to him.

"Thank you," he replied softly, stepping forward to rest his head against my shoulder again. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Red. Come on. Work awaits us."

Of course, there was no way in hell nor any power on this earth that would ever force _me_ to force _him_ to work in this condition. Handing him his weapon in this state was a good way to help him kill himself. I used the excuse of work just because I knew it would push him to move forward, to follow me. I wanted to keep a close eye on him: this side of Reno was scaring me and I really didn't want him to commit suicide _anywhere_, let alone in my condo.

When I placed Reno in the backseat of my car, he gave me a soft smile before stretching out and lying down across it. His body curled up into itself as I watched his eyes drift shut.

I pulled out my phone and called Elena.

She picked up on the second ring. "Yeah, boss?"

"Take the assignment with Rude. Reno will stay in the office with me."

"Why, sir?" she asked.

"I need you to go with Rude. Go now. I don't want you in the office when I come back. If you're still there, there will be hell to pay. Do you understand me?" I growled.

"Yes, sir." Her reply was sharp and startled. It could probably be blamed on the fact I'd just lost my temper with her over nothing.

Well, she could pout about that on her own time. Right now, I had something much more worrisome on my mind –and in my backseat.

"What did 'Lena do?" asked a groggy voice from the backseat.

I hung up on Elena. "Ah, questioned a direct order."

"C'mon. You don't get that mad at me when I do it."

I could almost hear the confident way the Reno I knew would say those words. It made me desperately sad to realize that this shell of a man was all that was left of that Reno right now.

Instead of answering, I slowly reached my hand back into the backseat.

The old Reno would have sucked on my fingers and licked between them before purring out some provocative line that would earn him a slap.

This Reno clasped my hand between both of his and rubbed his face against my fingers.

I wanted to cry. This was the same man –this much, I knew. Yet, at the same time, it wasn't him.

What had happened to the man that annoyed me so much I wanted to shoot him? I would welcome him in place of this scared, timid child of a man that needed to hold my hand to leave his own apartment! Just what had happened to him?

"Tseng?"

"Yeah, Red?" I asked softly, wondering if I would ever get to retrieve my arm from the backseat as I pulled onto the road that ran in front of the parking garage. Gently, I folded my fingers around one of his hands.

He brushed his lips across one of my knuckles. "Thank you."

"For what, Red?" I asked, trying to steady my breathing. _He didn't mean it as a kiss,_ I yelled at myself. _He's taking some sort of comfort from the proximity._

"For coming for me."

How I didn't break down and cry was both a mystery and a miracle. That I also managed to pull straight into my parking spot was something eerie. I turned off the ignition before turning in my seat to look at him.

"Anytime you need me, Reno, I'll be there. I promise." _From now on,_ I swore to myself. _From now on, I won't let _anything_ happen to him._

Reno did the one thing I _still_ never expected of him: he began to weep, sobbing in earnest.

I tugged my hand from his, only to maneuver myself out of the front seat and half-way into the backseat. "Come here, Red," I commanded him softly, my arms already reaching for him.

He allowed me to pull him out of the car and into my arms. He buried his face in my shoulder. Wet, warm drops soaked through my suit jacket and my shirt, but I didn't care. One arm held him tightly against me and the other held his head against my shoulder, my fingers playing the in the bright red locks of their own accord.

Leading him with me like this was awkward. In contrast to the way he clung to me, he was not a small child. It was not an easy matter of scooping him into my arms and carrying him into my office. Instead, it was a careful maneuvering of steps as I whispered comforts against his ears and tugged his body along with me.

It was easier when we got into the elevator. I didn't have to move him anywhere for a few moments, and his tears were beginning to subside. I kept whispering comforts into his ear and stroking his back as I waited for the elevator to reach our floor. With a ding, the elevator doors slid open to reveal the two subordinates I had just ordered out of the office.

Reno, upon noticing them, whimpered pitifully and wrapped himself tighter around me, like he was trying to crawl into my skin with me. It almost _hurt_ to have his arms wrapped so tightly around me.

Elena gasped in horror. "What happened to him?" she demanded.

Rude put his hand on her shoulder and pulled her into the elevator I was carefully vacating, despite the man who was so wrapped around me I would have trouble defending myself against any danger. I glanced back when I finally succeeded.

Rude lifted his glasses for a moment, leveling his gaze with mine as a way to communicate without words. _You find out who in the hell did this to him, and then _we all_ get to _play_ with them,_ his eyes seemed to say. I nodded my assent the instant before the elevator doors closed and I had to drag this man into my office with limited maneuverability.

Sighing and feeling a bit defeated, I leaned him against Rude's desk for a moment. I wondered if I was still capable of what I was contemplating for an instant before I traced Reno's physique with my eyes carefully. He was slender on the best of days, effeminate on the worst.

_It's been a long time since I carried a man this way,_ I thought to myself. _This would be a great way and a terrific time to pull something when I try it._ But it was the best way to get him into my office quickly, so I looked at Reno.

"Is it alright if I lift you up, Reno?" I asked softly.

He nodded slowly. "It's okay if it's you," he murmured softly.

Slowly, I bent at my knees and crooked one of my arms behind his knees and used the other to support his torso. When I lifted him, I found him to be a bit lighter than I had expected. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and neck like some sort of vice. It struck me as funny when I remembered that this was the way a newly-wedded male carried his bride to the marriage bed.

_Well, this time, it's the office couch, _I thought wryly as we passed through the archway and I set him down on the soft couch.

He was hesitant to uncoil his arms from around my neck and his lean body from around mine. Thinking about his need for my physical contact, I let him unwrap himself from around me before I eased him up to a sitting position. Quickly, I stole away to sit on the couch before I pulled his torso gently backward in a manner that placed his head in my lap.

He relaxed almost instantly, but one of his hands moved to form a fist in the fabric of my shirt.

_Well, I'm not going to get any work done today,_ I told myself wryly. Absently, one of my hands began playing in his damp hair. He made some sort of noise that reminded me of a cat's purr. I assumed that meant he liked the sensation. I allowed myself to continue touching his hair, taking a moment to massage his scalp and the back of his neck until I heard a soft moan that about melted me on the spot.

"Reno, you look tired. Would you like to rest a while?"

He turned his head so he could face me. The panicked expression he wore made me wish I had the luxury of breaking down, yet I knew I didn't. I needed to hold him up for the time being.

"I'll stay right here," I promised him quickly, touching his forehead and smoothing back his hair.

He nodded slowly. His eyelids slid closed and his breathing quickly evened out. I continued to sooth him as best I could, playing in his hair as he slept in my lap.

With him asleep, it gave me time to collect my thoughts and observations. I recalled the broken lock, the flushed and heavily scrubbed skin, the disarray of his bedding, his words to me when I reached for him. Then I remembered his wish that I burn his bed and his declaration that he couldn't stay in his apartment any longer.

The pieces of the puzzle slowly fell into place and for the first time in more than ten years, I allowed myself the luxury of weeping in the sanctuary of my office.

"Oh, Red," I breathed out between sobs, caressing his cheek with the tips of my fingers.

_Could I have saved him from this if I'd just stopped by last night?_

The thought was haunting and it only fed my tears.

Leaning in, I pressed a kiss to his forehead. "I will help you get better, Red," I promised him, though he couldn't hear me. "And I will catch whoever did this to you. I promise, Red. I promise."

* * *

_**So our clever Tseng has figured it out. Poor guys :(( Writing this story makes me sad...**_

_**So, tell me what you **_**want****_ to happen or how hard you want to kill the perpetrator... but if you don't want this to be the end, please review.  
If I get no reviews for the first two chapters , I will take this piece down and let it die._**

**_The darkness is difficult for me to deal with, myself, because I usually write so much humor. But if people want to see more, I will write more..._**


	3. AUTHOR NOTE!

**... I know we're not supposed to take up an entire page with Author Notes, but this one is necessary. I'll pull it down or add it to the next chapter when it's ready.**

**Alright, I know I was a little demanding on the subject of reviews when I posted the first two chapters.**

**I really just did not want to post this story if people found it offensive or didn't like it.**

**However, in response to the five reviews I received, I want to announce that I ****will**** be continuing this story.**

**Thank you so much to those of you who responded.**

**~Sins~**


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